My operation is only six days away and I find my thoughts turning to my own mortality. I do not dwell on these thoughts with a morbidity but more with a sense that I may be leaving things undone. My arthritis has had me living in limbo for a few years and now I am mobile, I have so many things I would like to achieve.
My first concern is I have not written a will. I have little to leave anyone but I would like to be in control of what I have. "Aha", I hear you say; "that is a morbid thought". Well, no, not really, just a precaution.
The staff nurse at the hospital reassured me by explaining what a simple procedure I shall be undergoing but I worry about the aspirin I take. What if I bleed too much and they forget I am AB negative. Ah yes, more morbid dwellings.
What if the biopsy has a bad result?????
"Don’t be a big baby", I hear you say. "There are many people far worse off than you". I know this to be true and yet still mull over the lack of longevity in my family.
At the end of the day, things boil down to whether I have hope or not. I have hope in spades so I guess I must just put my trust in the professionals and relax about it all.